FearThe TAO of You

What if they see that you don’t know?

Before I did the solo show, I noticed some part of me was feeling intense judgment and even shame about not knowing how to do it, how to write and perform a solo show.

As I was feeling this, I was also aware IN MY HEAD that of course I didn’t know how to do it–I had never done it before!

That didn’t stop the internal voice from wanting to grab this ball and run around wildly. 

It said: Oh My God, Kyra! I can’t believe you don’t know how to do this! After all this time, after year after year of never writing or performing a solo show and STILL, you don’t know how to do it! 

That part cracked me up: the year after year of NOT DOING IT and STILL not knowing how to do it. Lol. 

My inner voice is sometimes like a radically misinformed little kid, confidently spouting hogwash to its gullible little sister: NYA! It’s true! Nobody likes you! And hummus is made from the pee of chicks!

There was also this: I noticed the intense desire to be seen, to have a voice, to share my story in front of people. I thought of starting the show with: Is there any way you can all watch this without actually looking at me? 

Do you relate at all? 

Is there any part of you that longs to be seen AND would rather not have all eyes on you?

Is there some part of you that says, What if they can tell that I don’t know what I’m doing? What if they notice I’m not 100000% sure of myself? 

Here’s what I have to say: Good.

Let them see. Let it be real. Let them see your courage. Let it fill them with their own. Let it make them sit up and pay attention. Let it make what you are doing that much more gutsy and valuable. We want the truth. We crave authenticity.

Who wants to see a polished performance except for say, the guy performing the bris and every other person using sharp object on your body?

Let’s all let ourselves know what we know and not know what we don’t know until we know it.

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