A few years ago, I took a picture of myself every day for a year. I’m sure you’ve heard me say this once or twenty times. 🙂
I bring it up a bunch because it was a turning point for me. There was what I believed before I did the FeministSelfie365 and what I believed after.
Before, I believed that my years of inaction or incomplete action or not bold enough action meant I might as well throw my heart and soul and vagina out the window and try to build the rest of my life on a steaming pile of rage and regret and deep deep sorrow.
I didn’t believe this 24-7.
At the time, my son was going through a sort of Chernobyl style puberty and my nervous system was MASSIVELY FRIED. I felt stuck and scared, captivated by the critical task of keeping my son alive but also, (is this okay to say?) BORED. There was this huge yearning to bring my gifts to the world and extreme confusion about how to do that.
I mean, I NEED THAT, to feel real, alive, whole. Without it, I am out of touch with an essential part of myself. Without it, there is an emptiness that can only be filled by stepping into the unknown and then stepping back with what I found.
Do you relate?
If so, then you are an artist.
Yes. You are.
Maybe you already know that. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe you are now internally sifting through all the definitions of ‘artist’ to demonstrate how this term doesn’t apply to you.
I know. I’ve been there.
After I did the FeministSelfie365, I believed that the only thing that mattered was the present moment, not the past, not the list of things I wish I had done or tried or stuck with, not the story of where I’d be at this point if only I had (fill in the blank).
I wish I could say it’s been smooth sailing since but, you know, I am a human person and therefore, flawed. I forget and fall into comparison and envy, not-enoughness and If-only-I-hads…
But then I remember spring, the spring that comes every year and also the spring inside all of us, all the time. It is the sleeping seed and we are the aquifer. The present moment is our eternally shining sun.
Happy Spring to you! How will you open to what is trying to be born?