CourageExperimentsFearThe TAO of You

What you really want

I had a dream that I was carrying around a placenta in a leaky fabric pouch.

It was warm and very Waldorf-y and kind of a mess.

I began to feel dread. I had done something wrong. Been negligent. Cause irreparable harm.

Then I realized the placenta belonged not to something coming into this world but to a little girl who was already here. I saw that she was holding the placenta bag, peacefully carting it around as it drip-drip-dripped everywhere but never ran dry.

You may be saying Cool or Gross or Kyra? Ah, maybe keep your weird placenta dreams to yourself. 

🙂

Listen, no matter how you feel about dream analysis and placentas, this is clearly a dream right up my alley, especially lately.

It’s about creativity, nourishment, dependency, self-sufficiency, seeing and then birthing new aspects of ourselves.

In the chapter on reclaiming one’s sense of possibilities in The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes, Pray to catch the bus, then run as fast as you can.

Now, I think that could be used in an unhelpful way. It could be used to drive ourselves hard, feel that we must be nose to the grindstone all out 100% of the time.

No. To me, it speaks to the partnership we all have inside of us. We get to notice what we want and honor it, speak it out loud (at least to ourselves) and then we get to take concrete steps toward that thing.

Not in a gripped fist way where nothing can be received or released. In a working hands way where hands open and close and reach and let go as needed.

And we begin by discovering or acknowledging what we want, what bus, if you’ll allow me to cram in this metaphor, you want to catch.

You may find that as soon as you say it, all sorts of noise erupts.

Oh my god! Buses are so stupid.

Yeah. I used to want to catch the bus.

Listen. Buses aren’t for everyone.

Oh, you missed it. That bus is never coming back.

A bus? Really? WHO CARES ABOUT BUSES???!

YOU? Catching a bus. That’s a laugh.

BUT I WANTED TO CATCH A BUS.

YAWN. Buses are boring.

HOW COULD YOU? You promised me you were done with buses!

We’ve called you in to calmly explain how foolish, and frankly, embarrassing, this bus-catching business is. 

Ugh. Buses are sooooo frivolous. How is catching it going to help anyone?

Wait–what did you say was your heart’s desire? I wasn’t listening.

That’s okay.

It’s just noise, the panicked chatter from a bunch of misunderstandings born out of fear and faulty information.

We don’t need to sort through any of it, gather counter arguments, prove anything or anyone right or wrong.

We can let the noise be there knowing we carry something bigger, stronger, sustaining and inexhaustible.

Love.

Love is your own leaky placenta. You have it even when you don’t think you do, when you fear it’s lost, gone, or damaged beyond hope. It’s messy but strong, loyal, inexhaustible, full of possibility.

It wants what you want.

It wants you to pray which is really about opening to what’s possible.

It wants you to move toward it, tuning in to signs and symbols, messages, detours, u-turns, coincidences, slight or drastic course-corrections.

Because, Dear Reader, what I know for sure is this: what you really want to do is what you are meant to do.

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