I would like to start this off by sharing some things about myself:
- I can be a pushy, rigid, controlling, know-it-all, sure that my way is the right way.
- I can get stuck in regret and horrendous self-criticism about what I didn’t do or should have done.
- I can compare myself to others, making them better, making me less than, feeling jealous and preoccupied by their opportunities and accomplishments.
- I have a tendency to yell.
- When I feel cornered, I tend to come out swinging.
My new year’s resolution: LOVE IT ALL.
Love every single bit of me, especially the parts that I, frankly, often want to fix or change or hide.
Now, I’m not talking about when I’m feeling generous and loving. Then, I’m FINE with these messy parts of myself because I’m all, Humans are imperfect! That’s beautiful! Brené Brown told me that I’m wired for struggle! Just like every other person on the planet! AND that I’m worthy of love and belonging just by virtue of being alive!
I believe that with all my heart. Like, that’s my default, my ground, if you will.
But other times? I forget.
Other times, I get sucked down the rabbit hole of fear or comparison or not-enough-ness or shame, and WHOA, I don’t want it, these parts of me I don’t like. I don’t want any of them.
I like when I feel confident, and calm, generous and kind, creative and daring, spontaneous and inspired, delighted by difference, energized by puzzles, unattached to outcome, accepting of uncertainty and wise to the gifts that challenge, failure and rejection bring.
I mean, who doesn’t?
But the goal of this life, for me, is not to feel that way. The goal of my life, is to be okay with whatever is happening out there (OUTSIDE my body) and in here (INSIDE my body).
Wouldn’t that be some glorious freedom?
Every New Year’s Eve, I write a letter to myself that I seal in an envelope to be opened at the end of the following year. It’s slightly different each time but generally it includes items in one of two categories: Things to Invite into my Life, and Things to Let Go.
This year, I’m slapping it on a piece of paper and leaving it out in the open:
Things to Invite Into My Life in 2019: ALL OF ME.
Things to Let Go in 2019:
- Trying to hide or fix or change the things I don’t like about myself.
- Judging myself for not knowing what I didn’t know until I knew it. (How could I have known what I knew until I knew it?)
- Trying to GET anyone to ANYTHING. This doesn’t mean I can’t ask for things. It means, letting go of believing that my safety comes from getting someone else to understand, realize, agree with, say, feel, or do anything.
What about you? What is it about yourself that you don’t like? What feels unacceptable?
What if you KNEW that accepting those very things would bring more of what you really want and love into your life?
Write it down.
Breathe it in.
Make room for it all.
Then watch what happens.