I did a presentation of Part 2 of my solo show last week. On the ride there, I started feeling nervous, so instead of focusing on how I would do or whether I was ‘ready’, I pulled into a rest area and recorded my WHY.
I asked myself:
Why am I doing this?
Because I want to finish what I started.
And why did I start it?
Because I wanted to make meaning out of a particular part of my experience as a mother. I wanted to (hopefully) communicate something true about the human experience.
And why do it in front of an audience?
Because I wanted to practice a greater sense of presence, to remember that the power is in the ALIVENESS of expressing the truth of whatever I’m feeling in the moment, to know that what is there, whatever is it, is okay. I don’t need to hide or fix or manipulate anything.
And why else?
Because I know there is energy in every feeling–the snarl of anxiety or the frazzle of fear, the knot of anger or dread, and when I decide a feeling is wrong or dangerous, I block myself off from the energy contained within that feeling. And when I do that, I disconnect from my spontaneity which makes me self-conscious which further disconnects me from, frankly, my life force. And who wants to feel that, or SEE that?
And why else?
Because I know that seeing someone tell the truth frees us all to more easily tell our truth. It’s a positive feedback loop.
Oh look—she’s scared but doing it anyway. Oh look, she hasn’t gotten it all figured out, all cleaned up and polished, but she’s doing it anyway. Maybe I can too?
Dare to believe that you know enough, have enough, and are enough to do the thing you want to do.
And on your way there, if you get tripped up by the HOW (How will I pull this off? How will it work out? How will I figure out x, y, z?), ask yourself WHY instead.
If the answer is something like any of these:
Because I feel drawn to it, even though it seems out of reach.
Because I really want to, even though I am full of fear and self-doubt.
Because I yearn to, even though it doesn’t make sense.
Because I can’t stop thinking about it.
Because when I heard s- and-so was doing it, I felt a pang of envy and disappointment.
Because I really want to have done it.
THOSE ARE ALL VALID ANSWERS.
Saying YES to your WHY will instantly connect you to your vitality. I promise you.
But don’t take my word for it. Try it and tell me what you discover. I’d love to know!